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Today wasn’t that bad, well I didn’t reflect on my crappy life all day so I guess it was better than all the other days. I just wish that these Summer holidays would end already so that I can get back to campus and focus on more important things other than my broken heart.
I probably sound like a broken record blogging about my ex boyfriend so much, but I can’t help it, the main reason why I started blogging was so that I can get my feelings for him out in the open without having to actually speak about it to anyone else. But enough about him for the day.
So,I am an Education student, I still have 2 more years till I graduate and I cannot wait. the main reason why I want the campus life to be over is to actually be able to move out of my parents’ house. Yes, I am 20 years old and I still have to live with my parents, that’s how Indian parents are here in South Africa - OVERPROTECTIVE. I love them and everything but I need my space.I want to be independent and they should encourage that,but I guess they need someone to be dependent on them,that brings meaning to their lives.
I want to be a good teacher, a teacher that my first graders will adore and always remember as their favourite teacher. I guess you’re wondering how can a broken girl like me aspire to be a teacher, and that too for little kids. Well with the life lessons that I have learnt, the great childhood that I had and my love for children, I think I will make a pretty good teacher.
I’m all about change, I want to teach the future generation to be proud of themselves and what they want to become one day. they should know what I wish I knew back then; to not let anyone else define who you want to be, no one should be in control of your happiness,no guy or girl is worth that.I wish I knew this when I was younger,or last year or the year before, maybe it would have saved me from the heartache that I have experienced. By trying to make someone else happy and putting them in control of my happiness,I lost myself along with my happiness.But being around children and seeing their happy faces will bring happiness to my life too. Maybe when I’m a teacher I will finally find happiness, I will finally be able to move on and focus my attention on other people and things and hopefully find love again along the way.
I am hopeful and in a good place today,tomorrow I probably won’t be,but hey I’ll embrace this feeling today and make the most of it. I’ll come and vent when I’m feeling low again.
He is tall, has green eyes that I could get lost in forever, and I did.I got lost in his beautiful eyes, they stole my heart,but he broke it. I guess I couldn’t see his soul through those eyes, they took my soul away because now I’m left feeling lifeless without him. One day I’m over him, and the next I’m alone in my room breaking down because I miss him so much. Yes, he has someone else in his life but that doesn’t mean I can’t love him anymore, it means I should, but I just can’t let go.
I tried to move on, I basically created a bad reputation for myself. But more about that later. Right now I just can’t stop thinking about him, I know he is not thinking about me at all. i mean why would he think about me? I’m just the girl he dated for a few months, the girl who he texts whenever he wants to get laid. that was and is all I’ll ever be good for in his eyes, sex. I keep going back to him, thinking “if i have sex with him,maybe he’ll change his mind and take me back”, but that;s never the case and I’m so stupid for thinking that it could be.
I just wish I he could come back to me, I want to feel complete again because right now I just feel lost.Without him I feel worthless, unwanted and just that I’ll never be good enough for anyone else if I’m not good enough for him.